笨蛋

Its been long since i last update my blog! well, have been busy but sooo much things happened! so much so that it made me not able to breathe. Good and bad things come at the same time. this make me speechless and unsure.. juts hope to go home and hope everything is going to be fine...


i find myself being a stubborn person because i didn't learn my lesson. no matter how much i know it would hurt me i still give chances and making history repeat itself. dumb eh? this is jane. :( its just so hard. so hard to say no. so hard to forget. so hard to let go. :(

found out that its just a dream and that i am being make used. maybe just for pleasure eh? ha!


its time to protect myself and not hurting myself like that :( ..

刘瑞茹永远都学不乖。永远都学不会！难道你真的要他这样糟蹋你吗？不管他怎样对你，你一定会心软。为什么呢？ 天啊！！！

傻瓜！

I don't know how many times this should happens before I learn my lesson! I don't know.. really. I am a fool.  A fool that knows it is wrong to to do it but still does it! A fool who is fooled by the appearance of everything. A fool that believes what that person says. A fool that will never be smart and will never learn! :(


Lost motivation in everything again. I am pissed i am irritated with myself, disappointed in myself! i can't seem to do anything right..... :(

Its me

People do judge me. I know. I mean everyone does isn't? You go to mall and saw this weird person walk past you and you will start talking about it if you are with your friends. If you are not with your friends, you will still think about it. Everyone judge and also no one is perfect. Different people have different personalities. people know this but why people still judge.. weird eh? i am one of them though i admit.. i talk about others so i am prepared for others to talk about me. However, one thing is that i would forgive and forget. i won't make fun of them in public. i know its fun to make annoy and irritate people but sometimes when you are in a bad mood, nothing seems fun -__-

my friends keeping talking about things that had happened in spring, aren't you guys tired about it? seriously.. i am tired about it already, its not that i can't take joke but you guys are being over.. too much! yes i know of all people, i am the who can be bullied easily. but i have feelings too. u guys don't know me don't judge me!

Because of you

You are the one causing me to have sleepless night. You are the one causing me to be so tired, making me not in the mood to do anything.. do you know that? i guess not..

In an instance, everything change. You treated me differently, tell them the wrong thing, make them judge me in the wrong way.. damn itt! its been almost a week since we talked and see each other. what is it going to be? maybe its time to let go of something and someone whom u cared alot. or maybe i should give up and end the suffering that i am going through. seriously. i do cherish this relationship but problems keep coming up and we can't seem to find an agreeing term :(. he has his own thinking and perception and same goes to me. we are too different. different in a way that drift us a part. He don't see it but i do. I do not wnat history to repeat itself. i  don't want whatever happened in spring happened again in fall. please, i am afraid. afraid of what the future, afraid of you, afraid of being hurt again.

you asked why would i be hurt.. is that something you need to ask? sighh.. how i wish i do not need to think about this problems which make me can't sleep and eat well.. dammnnn it! sighhh


我不想長大。不想面對一些讓人心痛的事。不想讓人對我有不好的看法。不想離家太遠。不想每天自己在房間裡只是對著電腦和四面牆。。。

Crying is part of me

Had an argument again. i cried so badly cos of him again :( it has been 3 days since i cried for him. please i hope eveyrthing will be fine tomorrow.. i don't want anymore argument. i am both mentally and physically tired....someone save me :(

Unexpected things happen...

yesterday was a happy day but before the happy part, we argued :( i cried badly.. my plans of studying was cancelled cos i cried too badly that i could not study :(.. Merline watch me cry tho. hahah:p 

anyway, lets forget about the crying part.. hahahha:p 

Me and the indos went out todayy!! first to shop and then eat too celebrate my very belated birthday :D. i seriously had fun yesterddayy :D 

First, me wendra, febri, kevin itine stephanie and akira went to eat dimsumm.. yummmmmyyy :D hehe.. then we went to victoria garden to shop.. i spent on quite a few stuff.. oopss..mom and dad is going to kill me if they know. huahahahah:p coach bag and bangle, aldo shoe and ring, urban outfitters scarf and sweater, cotton on jacket.. hehe.. seriously when i am stress or upset, i will shop till i drop.. shop till my wallet is left with a big hole.. huahahahha:p well now i feel the pinch though.. hahah.. 

After shopping for few hours, its time to eat.. which means the celebration of my birthday :D teeheee.. 

I treated them to Banana bay. There are 13 of us, Itine, Febri, Ivy, Ata, Stephanie, Felicia, me, Chis, Wen wen, Bobby, Kevin, Michael, and Akira. And again, they prank on me -__- (as always) hahaha:p 

Banana Bay is a thai resto, normally at night, there would be a singer to entertain the customers, today, Chris and Kevin told the waitress about my birthday and so after the meal, the singer came to me with a ice cream and candle on it. oh my that is the most awkward moment where i am the attention of  the whole resto.. But i had fun though.. haha. i have a group of lovely friends :D seriously i love them.. can't do without them but as always, friends do have conflicts. hehe..

after this we took tons of picturee!! hahaha.. then we went to another place to eat shave ice cream.. damnn.. imagine its so cold and we were eating ice -__-. hahhahaha:p but we had fun taking pics and talking.. its been long since we had this gathering.. hohohoh.. thanks friends:D 

                                            

               

                                                          Ice Cream from Banana Bay 

                                             
                                             This is what i mean.that awkward momenttt..

I love my babes and friends :D 

Relieveddd!

Oh myyy!! I have been trying to complete my English essay for like the past few days, and it is finally donnee!! yay!  i mean with the points and arguments but not the Introduction and Conclusion. heheheh:p It is still better than nothing though. Its not easy to complete  that essay.. I am proud of myself  (oops:p).

Today, Atha, Ivy, and me woke up at around 5 plus and went to school for the teacher to comment on our essay :D the professor says mine was good! hahaha.. *happyy happyy* (btw, my professor os HHOOOTT! hahahah:p) when i heard the professor says mine was good, i felt a sudden of relieved (pheww) cos, this shows that my hard work pays offff.. wooohooooo!!

i seriously gave to stop now. i have class to go.. teehee~ :D

:(

突然感到非常难过。。超想家的。。。 我要回家。。 面对不了明天所会发生的事情。面对不了以后会发生的事情，面对不了一切的一切。 有些时候会问自己到底怎么了，但永远都找不到答案。永远都想不到更好的理由继续一切。不在家的感觉非常不好受。真的不好受。很想放弃现在所拥有的。不是不珍惜，而是后悔自己所做出的决定。感觉上都做错决定了怎么办呢？ 我需要答案但一定有是找不到的答案。累了:(

Bacot person!

OMG, i am so irritated right now! damn you! yes my indo language isn't good. yes i am bad at indo. so what? and i did not ask it in the wrong way mr perfect! so much going on in just a moment! seriously is just a m-o-m-e-n-t! i regret what i did last time with you! you are not worth anything from me asshole! I won't say i hate you cos the opposite of hate is love, so i will just say screw you ! i did so much wrong to deserve thisss:( i hate it here! wanna disappear from this place now!



and also we argued:( damnn... i got a little jealous with his cousin i mean cos by looks of course i am nothing compared to her. he make me insecure! damn! life is hard for me. what is this!!!! please i just wanna go home! i just want a simple life is that wrong to have? :( sigh

friends, family, bf? damn!


i always try to see the positive side of everything but i always failed to do so :(

Last Day of the week

Today is the day! last day of the week.. i can relax a littleee:D Seriously it has been a long week filled with exams, quizzesss, homework assignment esssaysss.. damnnn.. :( though its the last day of the week, i still need to do my work tomorrow morning. i am going to wake up early tomorrow morning and complete as many assignment i could.. sigh.. when can life be a little easier for me? i am seriously not complaning. i am contended with whatever i had. serious!sometimes life's hard. Whatever it is, i will try my best to do the best and not let anyone look down on me! jia you!!!



P.S  i miss my secondary school life with my classmates and the prefects:( the innocent time of me i guess.. hahha.. i hope time can stop just for a little longer...

LaZy lAzY

Today i don't feel like doin anythhin!! i just wanna lay in my beddd.....

nah, i can't do that.. i have class that ends at 9.30 today but it is gonna be the last day of the weeek.... wooottsss! hahaha,, suffer for another 12 hours and out i go! haha..

Okay, Jane, please don't be lazy! please be hardworking! pls do what u need to do . please don't let anyone look down on u. please don't disappoint everyone. pleaseee...

一切的一切都要加油！天下无难事！加油！
不要轻易放弃，否则对不起自己！ 加油刘瑞茹！

Life

Life is dramatic eh? Or maybe i should say mine is dramatic-__-. Many say that it is better to have a dramatic life with many things going on rather than having a peaceful life with nothing really remarkable going on. To me, i just want that simple life with my friends and family thats it. is that the hardest thing that i can wish and hope for? Maybe yes.. Living in the United States makes life dramatic; in terms of friends and family-- problems so arise with friends when u see them almost everyday. sigh, seriously, whatever happened in my life makes me don't feel like doing anything. i mean i lost my drive in working hard and achieving the best. I don't know what is going on to me but i cant help it but be lazy... i hope i can be the normal me again. it sucks to know that i am changing into someone that i don't want to be.

Friends say i change, but do you guys know that i hate myself so much? I hate that i change into someone who is in patient, i hate that i change into someone who is lazy, i hate that i change into someone who do things slowly, i hate that i started to ignore what others think about me, i hate that i am not the jane 2 years ago. who knows all this? none.. who knows what i am really thinking? none. even you are like that :( it hurts to know and see this but who can help me? none:(


How i wish i didn't do anything i regretted, how i wish people don't judge on me based on something stupid i did, how i wish life can be simple, how i wish i can turn back time and undo the things that i should not have done :( how i wish.......

Wonderringgg

Damn its been long since i updated my blogg.. hahaha:p seriouslyy i need to get used to bloggingg. hahaha:p 

its been a busy week with exams and quizzes and homework and exam and quizzes againn.. so tired.. have not got enough sleep.. looking like a ppaannddaa.. if u know what i mean. haha ;p 

people might think why i had a blog without any followers, well because i wanna make it more personal. more private to myself and allowing only certain people read like merline! HAHAHAHA. well it doesnt matter how many people is following me. as long as i can vent my anger and show my feelings, i am fine with it :D

I just don't get it!

well, when people asked you why you treated me like that you said because of that Itouch incident. Fof goodness sake please stop being a small kid! you are just another person who had an adult body with a child's mindset! whatever is it i wont be affected by you! I LIVE FOR MYSELF NOT YOU OR ANYONE! DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. COS YOU ARENT PERFECT WHEN YOU THINK YOU ARE! I OWNT HATE YOU! BECAUSE I AM NOTTHE SAME TYPE OF PERSON AS YOU! F U!

Happy But Fattening day!

Its the Labor day weekendd! i guess everyone enjoyed theirs by going out of town. haha. well basically for me, i spent everyday of the weekends at home studying and doing work. It'd fine actually because i went out today with Emmy jie :D hehe


Brea Mall is our destination. First when we reached, we went to eat The Cheesecake Factory! Superb food with high calories :"(. I order Fetucini Alfredo and Green Mint Tea.. yummy.. but as i said calories content are higghhh... noooooo!!!!! After the main course, its the dessert part! superb too!!
                                                             
                                                                    Green Mint Tea

Fetucini Alfredo 

Chocolate Raspberry Truffle 

Yummy isn't?? i know you are drrooollingg!! (Y) hahah..




After lunch, we went to Brea Mall to shop. I bought 5 shirts in total :D teeheeee:) heheheh..

enjoyed my day!

I PROMISE TO GO ON A DIET STARTING TOMORROW!!!

Don't judge eh!

For the last semester i swear i had done things that are wrong. I mean no one is perfect but who are  you to judge? You are just my friend who hang out with me sometimes? well, i do treat u as a friend but if this is what  i get in return then there is nothing much i could do. you are a guy and why are you acting like a girl?? i seriously don't get people like you!

I may not be perfect, I may not be the nicest girl However when you says that  this guy likes to get close to girls and stuff, you aren't any better. please for goodness sake think of what you are doing before you judge. There aren't any different between you and him.

You might be angry and pissed with me because of the present of another friend. But did you know you guys make me buy my own present for her instead of sharing. THINK who is in the wrong.. I asked you guys for like thousands of time to think of her presents and buying her presents. Did you guys respond to me? Having me to get her a present at the very last minute is that right? I bought her what she wants isn't that the things that you guys doesn't wanna buy for her? why are you acting like a girl? Damn what a friend i have.

Sorry but this is what i think about you. you keep showing me that attitude that i believe i don't deserve. please think before you act...

Back to LA!

Didn't i told you that i am bad at blogging? Haha.. And also i won't blog a lot :p i am still not used to it yet! super headache. i will try to remember to update everyday. haha.. new aim back in LA. haha..


Things between me and Him went pretty well. No one understands me when i said i don't wanna be back here. Even my dearest mom and him doesn't. they keep thinking i will have fun with my friend after awwhilee.. who the hell is having fun here? i mean not that i don't wanna see my friends its just that it feels different. I am not lying its different. :( so life for the first week goes pretty hectic and busy with classes and meet ups with friends.. but what really tires me are the classes that i took.. what i really hope is that i can do well in everyone of them. i dont want my friends to look down on me. and i hope i dont lose my motivation in doing well! jia you :D

thats all for now.. its super later here in LA! i willmake sure i wakes up early and do all my work :D

Happyy!!

It has been few days since i update my blog. The reason is that, i am quite busy this few days. every since Merline leave and went back to Medan, plenty of activities are waiting for me. Dad came, Christine came and Imelda jie came. omg it is soooo hectic and busy everyday! 

on wednesday, dad and Christine came. i went to the airport to fetch them. they reached almost at the same time so it is easy for my mom and i. 

the next day, Merline is going back to Medan! SHE LEFT ME! HAHA. But still hope she had fun in Medan :* 

At night, Imelda jie comes.. i didn't went to the airport to fetch her. the reason is that me, keke and christine went out together. i had fun  though. but is a tiring day! haha. 

on friday, i went clubbing with keke and itine and her friends. it was fun. we went to Rebel. but what i hate most about the clubbing that day was that i remembered something i shouldn't have remembered and that i regret remembering it :( omg stresss gila2aannn!!! 

on saturday, we went to USS.. it was fun but something bad happened again, we don't really had the mood but well, we did go.. Ate Chili Crab with Dhika, Christine and Trissaaaa.. hahaha. it was yummy..... 

Well today, it wasn't really that good. i argued with him since yesterday and bad things happened... i don't understand why problems like to look for me... :( sigh.. i hope tomorrow is a better day.. 

And today, everyone left. itine went back to jkt and imelda jie went back to medan......

now its time to sleeppp.....  晚安！

希望明天會比今天好很多～

後悔永遠都是來最後。所以我決定以後做事會現象後果。。。。。 劉瑞茹加油：D

天下難事！加油喔：你行的！

still confused???

ummm.. i don't understand myself. i don't understand why i have  this thinking when i shouldn't....... thats kind of weird but i cant help it.. it seriously feels super weird and i felt a little jealous?? goshh.. that shouldn't be the casee.. i don't want that to happen.. sh*t..

what am i thinking?? how do i feel?? i seriously do not know how to answer these question.. sigh.. :(


我不想在和你有甚麼關係！我要一切都回到從前。回到就單純的時候，回到沒有煩惱的時候。 回到沒有和你有關的時候。很希望你從沒進入我的世界。

討厭會想到你，討厭會在乎你所做得事，討厭會讓你這樣的引向我的人生，討厭你所做的一切，討厭你從未想過我的感受。

Its been longggg~

Seriously i know i am not a person who blogs but well, i wanted to have this  habit where i note down all the stuff that i experienced. haha.. Yesterday merline and i have a photo session at our house. honestly, i have been living in this house for more than 10 years but i have never think of taking pictures of the sceneries in my house. therefore, mreline and i decided to take some pic of ourselves with the scenery. hehehehehhe:p it turn out to be good.. hahaha.. here are some of the pics: 

  

LOVESSS

<3 all off themmmmm :*

A Day

Cramps + Body Aches + Bad Mood + Tired Easily = PMS! 

woke up in the morning having cramps welcoming me. :( hate it hate itt:(

not really in the mood to carry on writing.. 

let me summarize what i did today.. I went to Orchard along with my bro and merline. we went gto do some shopping.. hehehhe:p after which we went to eat with my family at kallang! 

i thought of doing something sweet for him which is to make a guitar from a lego... FYI i am super bad in making legos.. lets see how much time i need to finish that lego.. hahaha.. 

The very first

Umm.. How should i start?

It all started when my cousin Merline, she was all crazy about bloggging and stuff. She influenced me to start a blog. haha. Anyhow, I am new to  this site and that I hope to write down all the stuff that i experienced. Ever since i moved to US, i am always waking up with new surprises and new experience, and not forgetting meeting new people every single day. I have to admit that my life in the US is turning upside down. hahaha.. therefore, having a blog might be a good thing for me to vent my anger and as a reminder to what i should and not do. However i do admit that sometimes i might be writing nonsense. hehehe.. So,I hope you guys enjoying reading it :D hehehe <3